Welcome to Dead House

     A week ago I moved into my house at school this year. It is located about a half-hours walk from the south edge of campus. Kind of far away, but that is only where the problems begin. This house has systematically spited me at every turn. Simply diabolical in nature, I can only assume that [...]

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Jon Stewart: A Pictorial Analysis

My opinion of Jon Stewart is very similar to my opinion of Richard Nixon. My enduring yet entirely heterosexual love for Nixon grew out of my observation of the boiling hatred he inspired in all of my college professors. I figured, “Hey, if these schmucks hate him so much, he can’t be all that bad.” [...]

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Pissed Off at the Pizza Pub

Today we salute you, Mr. Bar Drummer Guy. Your obsessive compulsive attempt to keep the beat to every song with your hands beating on the bar pisses off not only those who can hear your inability to do so, but also seven people in either direction that can feel your pulsating lackluster performance. The blonde [...]

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Fox Goofcasters

     Lately I’ve been watching Fox News in order to see if they are truly “fair and balanced” as they claim. My results may be placed in another post, but so far I have noticed one thing about Fox newscasters. They all look like total goobers. You would expect that a news network would try to [...]

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The Revenge?

I have recently returned from one of my annual sojourns to that most affordable, convenient, and truly “gangsta”-ridden of amusement parks that we refer to simply as “Dorney.” Of course, the seldom-used by nevertheless official name of this park is “Dorney Park and Wildwater Kingdom,” but it’s as unpopular and awkward as “The New York [...]

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The (Second) Greatest Debate of All Time

     Going to college in another state affords me certain opportunities to find out what people call things in other areas of the country. For example, while normal people call carbonated beverages ‘crack in a can,’ some call them ‘soda’ or the incredibly dumb ‘pop.’ There is, however, one subject that has the potential to produce [...]

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The FedEx Conspiracy

I have probably seen the FedEx logo at least 5-10 times per week for as long as I can remember, just driving around, coming down the street or into the place where I happen to be working, or in commercials or occasionally on a package that I have received. But just recently, I noticed something [...]

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Ghost Ride Da Whip

If you’re looking for some entertainment of the YouTube persuasion, try a search for “ghost ride.” You might come up with something as hysterical as this: The “ghost ride” has been popularized by the E-40 rap ballad “Tell Me When to Go.” The song can be heard in the background of many of these ghost [...]

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Irritating Customers [Updated]

On the job, everyone has to deal with irate, impossible and idiotic customers. It’s just a fact of life. Everyone knows it, everyone complains about it, and no one seems to own up to the fact that they are this type of customer. I have to deal with them all the time and I know [...]

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Vote Now: Your favorite crappy joke

Here at Ranty McRanterson we have been having problems beating back our subscriber base and keeping our post comments in the hundreds, rather than thousands. Perhaps it is the price we pay for being named the top blog in Blogosphere magazine and earning the “Best Content” award from Web 2.0. This said, I propose to [...]

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