I was watching Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith earlier today and was struck with the inspiration required for writing this post. I was considering the great debate about which is better, Old Star Wars or New Star Wars. The Old Star Wars Trilogy includes Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, and Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, all released in the late 70’s to early 80’s. The New Star Wars Trilogy includes Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, and Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, all released in the late 90’s to early aughts. The two trilogies have very different styles and I don’t feel like explaining all this so just look it up yourself. I can be a lazy bastard, it’s my post jerk.
To get to the point, I realized today that the debate has a clear cut answer and I believe I might be the first to point this out. If I’m not and you know it, please don’t tell me. This might be my one chance at an original thought. So I’m watching the scene where the Jedi come to arrest Senator Palpatine, and I thought to myself, “Self, it’s pretty clear that the New Star Wars are far superior to the Old.” Now some of you out there might be getting your panties in a bunch, but first allow me to explain myself. There is one feature in the New Star Wars that outweighs all the bad about it. What is that feature you ask? Simple: Light Saber colors.
Yes, that’s right. In the old movies there were three colors: Red, blue and green. In the new movies, we stumble onto an assload of other colors…well actually only two more that I can remember: Yellow and purple. Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) is shown to have a purple Light Saber. This propels him into an entirely new sphere of badassery. You do not mess with someone that is comfortable enough with their skills to carry around a purple Light Saber. It’s just common sense. Yes, there are those of you who will tell me that there is a back story there, with Mace getting the purple crystals as a gift. I don’t care. I like my way better as should you.
Good Lord. I’m pissing myself just looking at this picture.
So, you can all go to sleep at ease tonight, knowing that I have once again saved the world with my superior brain. You’re welcome. I only do it for the money and the chicks.
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Listen: Coheed and Cambria, “The Willing Well II – Fear Through the Eyes of Madness” I like the name.
Quote: Then our worst fears have been realized. We must move quickly if the Jedi Order is to survive. – Mace Windu
Mace is cool!
No, I’m afraid badass is the word you were looking for. The Fonz is cool. Mace Windu is badass.
How can I be propelled into an entirely new sphere of badassery?
I would say by getting some sort of bionic spine…wait…hmmm. I guess you’re already there.
Clint,
I choose not to use that word but you are correct.
DH
DH,
Perhaps the abbreviation “B-A” would be better suited? That’s how I’ve come to use it in every day conversation.
Matt
Matt,
I find one bad dude works for me.
DH
You know why he has a purple lightsaber? Cuz Samuel L. Jackson wanted to be able to pick himself out of the army of Jedi’s in the big battle in either episode II or III.
He knew he was badass enough to pull it off and knew that there was not a single other jedi badass enough to wield a purple saber.
Sean, the plural for Jedi is Jedi, not Jedi’s. You’ve obviously been out of school too long. Quit your job and come back. However, I did read that same fact. That is one bad dude.
For whatever reason Samuel L. Jackson (Mace) has a purple light saber I like it.
My grammer has been shamed publicly in front of 5’s and 6’s of people…I definitely need more education, I just put in my resignation and am on my way back.
Sean may qualify as our number one fan, much like Clint once was for the EV. Sean, you must pee on the hood of a car, and then have someone else take a picture of it.
hahahaha, what about trying to break a 40 bottle over clint’s hard-hatted head. we have video of that.
I’ll say “I don’t believe it” in hopes that I get to see it. Or, if it doesn’t actually exist, then I hope you make it happen.
I’ll have to dig it out of my computer when I get home from work, and i’ll try to figure out a way to get it to you or on this site. clint should have the video though, its from the water polo edward-40-hands night
I may need a few days, I no longer have the video on my computer at home, but I know who would have it.
P.S. I need to read the next installment of The Last Bell
lolwut?
Unfortunately for both counts, my old computer won’t start up so I can’t get the files off of it. So, I don’t have the final chapter of the last bell, or the water polo video of me getting a forty bottle cracked over my head. It happened though. I’m gonna try to get the files off that computer, because I need both.