The End of an Era

     The other day I ran out of shampoo. To most people, that would seem like a pretty standard part of life. Not so with me. This particular bottle of shampoo has lasted me for years. And I mean years. It all started senior year of college when a group of my friends and I moved into a house off campus. One of my roommates (and one of my boys to this day) and I shared a bathroom upstairs. This bathroom was covered in a previous post, but the point was that he brought a giant bottle of shampoo to the table. I won’t share his real name since to be mentioned on this blog might be a deal-breaker for any job he might want to have in future, but I have referred to him as J-Bone. K-Rock knows who I’m talking about.

     Anyway, I just checked the jug of shampoo and the volume is one gallon (3.78 L). He allowed me to share this shampoo while we were sharing this bathroom, which was awesome of him. It allowed me new levels of bounce and manageability on my then very boisterous Mane of Destiny. The bottle has a hand pump attachment on the top to allow us to use minimal amounts. I usually rock about three pumps and I’m good to go. Also, the stuff smells very manly. None of those girly scents for us, no sir. This is TRESemmé®, used by professionals. Kind of a big deal. The bottle claims that its ‘European Vitamin C Deep Cleansing Shampoo,’ but this stuff does not smell European. It smells as I would imagine Richard B. Riddick smells after shaving his head with a sharp piece of metal. Like badass. I seem to have lost myself on a tangent on how manly I tend to smell. I should move on.

Kind of the way this would smell.

     After that first year, we both moved to a different house about three miles away and continued sharing the shampoo. That went on for about a year until he moved out. We were impressed how long it had lasted, and I guess he figured there wasn’t much left so he left it with me. I suppose J-Bone has moved on to other bottles of shampoo and really that’s healthy. I have trouble letting go of relationships though. I continued to live in the same house for about two years afterward still using that same damn bottle. It was a miracle. Since its חנוכה (Hanukkah), I feel like I can relate to how the ancient Hebrews felt when their consecrated olive oil lasted eight days when it was only supposed to last one. Maybe it’s a sign that I should convert to Judaism.

I think I could get behind this.

     Anyway. I was dealt a soul-crushing blow the other day when that bottle finally ran out. Consider: I’ve been using the same bottle of hair soap for almost four years. I’m not even sure where to buy shampoo anymore. Do they carry it at Home Depot? I guess I’m gonna have to do some research. Either that or I’ll just use the other shampoo thats been left in that bathroom by a revolving cast of roommates and semi-live-in girlfriends. I guess that means I won’t smell as manly, but sometimes one must take a hit to avoid spending money.

     In conclusion; As far as I was concerned, as long as that bottle of shampoo still was rolling, I was not yet done with college. Interesting that it ran out only six months after I dropped out of grad school. Guess it’s time to get a job.

—

Listen: OutKast, “So Fresh, So Clean”
Quote: “I would say that the single most important conclusion I reached, after traveling through Japan, as well as countless hours reading, studying, and analyzing this fascinating culture, is that you should always tighten the cap on the shampoo bottle before you put it in your suitcase.” – Dave Barry

Advertisement