”Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “A rant bitches!”
So I’ve pretty much been a science guy all my life. My dad is a middle school science teacher so I guess we could blame that, but really its because science seems to make sense. For the most part. Neither here nor there. In science we use something called the metric system. If you don’t know what that is, it’s time to leave. NOW. Seriously, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, go directly to elementary school.
Okay, for those of you still with us, use of the metric system started with France in 1791. A strike against it, I know, but France has had some gems. Remember the Maginot Line? Wait, what? There have been many versions of the metric system but the one we currently use is the International System of Units (SI). It’s base ten, making conversion from unit to unit as simple as moving decimal places. Unfortunately, many in this country still use the English units.
Now THAT'S how you make an outdated defense system!
English units were developed in medieval England as a combination of Roman and Anglo-Saxon measurement systems. So totally not outdated at all. This is a base “who shot who in the what now?” system, meaning that converting from unit to unit is a straight Charlie-Foxtrot. I shall now provide examples. Originally, I was going to write out some of the relations to show how ridiculous they are, but Wikipedia has provided me with some sweet flow charts, so I’ll use them instead.
Length
Mass (or weight, they can't tell the difference)
Volume
These damn flow charts are more confusing than a detailed description of string theory. It’s really a wonder that England could run a massive empire with such crappy units of measurement. Probably why it all crumbled all around them. Who’s sitting on top now!?! It’s good to be a superpower.
I think my favorite, however, is their units for money. Prior to 1971, the British pound was not decimalised and was instead divided into twenty shillings with twelve pence equalling a shilling. I was originally inspired to write this rant when I was reading a George Orwell book and I saw the following referring to money: £5 3s 6d. I understood that the ‘£’ was pounds and I assumed that the ‘s’ was for shillings but ‘d’? What the hell is that supposed to be? Apparently the ‘s’ and the ‘d’ stand for solidus and denarius, which were Roman coins. Why they couldn’t abbreviate using their own words, we may never know. It’s no wonder why the English commoners were considered so uneducated. If someone took an hour and a half trying to make change, I’d probably think they were dumb too. You’d need the equivalent of a PhD just to order a beer. And that, friends is completely unacceptable.
In conclusion, we need to switch over to metric IMMEDIATELY. It would be easy too, except the Puritans in this country are too busy keeping sex ed out of the classroom and gays out of the military to concentrate on the real problems. We take care of the metric system, and all these other problems will just melt away. Trust me, it’s science.
—
Listen: Beastie Boys, “Sounds of Science”
Read: “Canadians can easily ‘pass for American’ as long as we don’t accidentally use metric measurements or apologize when hit by a car.” – Doug Coupland
Gilo
Shank
Pete
jasonhess
quikstop85
I agree that a US metric conversion would be beneficial but good luck trying to make it happen. People get set in their ways and the US is the primest of prime examples. It doesn’t seem likely that our obese brothers and sisters are going to work to standardise America with the rest of the world if they wont even go for a jog. Good idea, but neeever gonna happen.
Another pipedream: getting every American to become bi-lingual and speak Spanish as well as English. I know that this is already being implemented, but I just don’t see it succeeding any time soon. It’s difficult to find Americans that know proper English.
Still, your post enlightened me to the history of the Inch. Good work!
I just realised that you’ve already done this post before in Superior Measurements and if I’m not mistaken, the latter contradicts the former.
I’d hate to think you’re going to have no-holds-barred arguements with yourself. (unless you do already)
Oh, nevermind. Apparently, that was Dirq.
Yes, that was Dirq. That’s not to say I don’t argue with myself all the time. It’s hard to find people that care about the same things that I care about, so I generally have to take both sides of the battle. Usually it degenerates into mom jokes, which makes neither of me happy.