Conspiracy Theories: Installment 6

     After a long hiatus, I find it necessary to bring back a Ranty Classic. Conspiracy Theories. I have been silenced by various forces in the government who find my views unpleasant, but by a clever manipulation of one letter of my last name I found a way to elude them. SUCKERS!
Matt Damon [...]

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State of the Ranty

     Alright, so I have no clue what’s going on with this website. Shit is gettin’ real. Allow me to explain.
     I was going through all of my old posts in order to update formatting (and maybe change things that could be embarrassing to me personally. You’ll never know, the originals are gone. [...]

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Your Email To Jesus

[Click image to enlarge]
Who knew that you could send e-mails to Jesus through Amazon.com?
[Note: This is not photoshopped.]

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Makavelli — Expanded

     Due to the fact that Tupac Shakur is coming back on Saturday (07/07/07), I felt the need to expand my former Makavelli post and put it up again. This way, when he actually does come back, I can look like a total badass.
     The last post included a section on where I thought Tupac was [...]

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The Bejeweled 2 Demo Conspiracy

The only game that my Motorola Razr comes preloaded with is a demo version of Bejeweled 2. You can only play the first level, and sometimes that only lasts like one move.
In my vast experience with the game, spanning two cell phones and countless hours of play, I have never beaten the high score that [...]

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College Park is SERIOUSLY Messed Up: Shipment #1

     As people who are enrolled in University of Maryland: College Park know, crime seems to becoming a more and more ridiculous problem. For those of you who do not attend this fine establishment of higher learning, this is probably all new news. It was today’s edition of our school newspaper, The Diamondback, that inspired me [...]

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Conspiracy Theories: Installment 5

Fantasy Football
It has recently come to my attention that ‘Fantasy Football’ is a creation of the NFL marketing department. In a bold move to increase watchership, the NFL commissioned a team of approximately 4,000 former U.S. Presidents, retired Army personnel, and out of work cabbies to create this league and then pass it off to [...]

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The Cucumber Conspiracy

[Author's Notation: There is no conspiracy (as suggested in the title), I just liked the alliteration.]

Yeah, GET THAT

I came to a startling realization of ultimate truth the other day while eating a toasted sandwich from a local coffee shop that happened to feature pesto, cucumbers, mozarella cheese and lettuce (bed of evil and lettuce!): [...]

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Conspiracy Theories: Installment 4

JonBenet Ramsey
     The recent resurfacing of the JonBenet Ramsey case did not come up accidentally. It is a clever ploy by the Bush administration to take people’s eyes off of the real problems facing our country, Iraq for example. After the cease fire and tenuous peace reached in the Hezbollah-Israel conflict, something was needed to keep [...]

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The FedEx Conspiracy

I have probably seen the FedEx logo at least 5-10 times per week for as long as I can remember, just driving around, coming down the street or into the place where I happen to be working, or in commercials or occasionally on a package that I have received. But just recently, I noticed something [...]

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