For those of you that don’t know, (and you all probably should) Bill O’Reilly is a commentator on the “Fair and Balanced” Fox News Network. If anyone is worthy of being the first Hero of the Month, it is he. Everyone should know why, but I’ll spell it out for y’all anyhow. I would tell you some pertinent information about his life, birth date, predicted death date and such, but my computer, an Apple, closes Internet Explorer every time I try to access his site. Does this prove that the folks at Apple are under the control of the LIBERAL MEDIA?!? You’re damn right it does.
Anyway, Bill O’Reilly deserves to be the hero of the month for a number of reasons. If you’ve ever seen his show, you know that he never lets facts get in the way of his own enlightened opinions. No matter how many ‘studies’ the ‘experts’ try to explain to him, he never relinquishes his high moral ground. His unadulterated obliviousness to reality is what proves him to be a man’s man beyond all suspicion.
This quality also aids him in his interviewing style. I recently saw him interview John Kerry, and let me tell you, he showed that sissy, anti-war war hero who is the boss. Whenever Kerry tried to turn the interview towards something ‘that people actually care about’ O’Reilly stuck him with the tough questions like…well it doesn’t matter what he actually asked him, what’s important is that he totally steamrolled him into confusion, which is what all good interviewers strive for.
Also, O’Reilly’s total invulnerability to accusations of sexual harassment makes him a standout in the world. Anyone else (Bill Clinton) would have had to undergo some sort of investigation, or at least have some sort of doubt thrown upon them, but O’Reilly’s stranglehold on his heartland viewers is so strong that he came out of it smelling like a rose. In an age where even the infallible Pope has to admit to past wrongdoings by the church, Bill cannot be touched. Nor would we want him to be. If he went off the air, where else would I go to get such unbiased reporting on the War on Terror, the liberation of Iraq, and everything that the evil liberal media is doing to (mis)inform the public.
Kudos Bill, and as you say “the spin stops right here.”
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Listen: Soul Coughing, “Blue Eyed Devil”
Quote: “You’re right, actually. I am pretty- I’m, I’m pretty troubled and I’m, I’m pretty confused. But I… and I’m afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid. But I… I… I think you’re the fucking Antichrist..” – Donnie Darko
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