Archive for February, 2008

With the recent announcement of the beginning of the end of the WGA Strike, it’ll be interesting to see whether show creator Mitch Hurwitz and the rest of the Arrested Development crew will come through with a movie that has been rumored since the show was canceled after the third season in February 2006.

In an interview on February 2, Jason Bateman confirmed that there were talks of an Arrested Development movie, between Hurwitz, Ron Howard, and Jeffrey Tambor.

Click here for the full article.

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While perusing through some of the rants on this weblog, some of you may have been wondering – what the heck is wrong with the guys that write for this blog. One place you may have started to look is our History page, but there you only found answers to the history of Ranty McRanterson, and two stupid videos that say little [or, maybe a lot] about who we are.

This post will give you a glimpse into the childhood of just 1/2 of Ranty, but I hope that it provides some answers for you in your search for meaning and ‘Why, God, why?’

Haircut at a Young Age – The Modified Bowl Cut

bowl cut
I couldn’t link to a real picture of me, Lego’s shall suffice

In middle school, I, like many others at that time, conformed to the growing popular hair style – the bowl cut. I vividly remember walking into the local barbershop, and proclaiming:

“Make me look like Leonardo DiCaprio.”

My hair happens to be very thin, so I was unable to achieve the full, tousled look of most bowl cuts, so I simply parted my hair in the middle — and thought I was ‘it.’ I couldn’t wait to go to the next middle school dance, sporting the ‘wet’ look, a silver chain necklace, and a Guess shirt that showed off my tight body. Looking back, I couldn’t have been more wrong about the totality of those circumstances.

leonardo dicaprio
I was so close

Well, I did kind of was right about the Leonardo DiCaprio thing – in the prepubescent-bodied, smug-faced, wet-look-gelled-hair kind of way – but aside from that, I was way off.

Room Decor Until an Embarrassingly Old Age – The Care Bears Lamp

care bears lamp
I Love Lamp.

Yeah, I had a Care Bears lamp in my room until middle school, at which point I finally realized that I was too old for such childish things. It was just a lamp, it provided ample light and a warm glow to read Goosebumps books, it was a good lamp.

I was sad to see it go. I just put it in my brother’s room, where it currently adorns his nightstand. He’s going to kill me for putting this up here, but he likes it more than I did, and he’s 19. He also has an unhealthy obsession with A.C. Slater. Unlike his Facebook wall, he can’t censor this blog. Ha ha, sucker.

Sound Investments at a Young Age – Trading Money with my Brother


He he…I win.

This one isn’t embarrassing at all – when my brother and I were just old enough to have our very own disposable income [allowance], I used to trade him shiny pennies for those big, dull quarters. Pennies were easier to swallow, and they were shiny, who wouldn’t want them more than a big dumb quarter? Apparently I’ve been effectively honing my persuasive voice since a very young age.

Traffic Lights Are Not Controlled by my Dad

traffic light
These lights actually are controlled by garage door openers

I still can’t believe I fell for this one. No matter how dumb I’ve made my brother seem up until this point, this one takes the cake for me being the idiot of the family. On trips over to my grandparents in Harleysville, we would always sit at the intersection of 113 and Cowpath Road. We’d stop and wait for the light to turn Green, and my dad, without fail, would get out the garage door opener and tell me that he was going to change the light by pressing the button.

I had a déjà vu experience sitting at that very light in high school, and man, did I feel special.

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The New Jersey General Assembly passed a resolution in recognition of the New York Giants winning Super Bowl XLII. The resolution included a few pokes o’ fun, New Jersey style!

Tackle Kareem McKenzie, a New Jersey native, was in attendance to represent the Giants. “We appreciate your efforts on behalf of the New Jersey Giants,” Assembly Minority Leader Alex DeCroce exclaimed, with a look of extreme satisfaction on his face that is annoying to other people who are less happy [that’s a definition].

Assemblyman Anthony Chiappone weighed in on the issue. “One day I hope to be standing here issuing a proclamation to the New Jersey Giants.”

As I was writing this post, Larry [my computer] decided to weigh in on the issue.

[Click to play audio]

Oh Larry, always patronizing.

Here’s a link to the full article from ESPN.com.

The General Assembly also sponsored a parade in honor of the Giants. Due to lack of funds, the parade was not advertised, and the procession consisted of the General Assembly walking around the block following this clown.

Mr. Gigglesworth, the Clown

“We’ll certainly allot more funds to the ‘Tickertape Parade’ budget for next season, we need to get competitive with New York if we ever want the Giants to feel at home here,” lamented Chiappone.  “Mr. Gigglesworth was a hit at my son’s birthday party, but I think it may have been a mistake bringing him here.”

The last time the state of New Jersey had anything to celebrate was…well…


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A Shippensburg University US Government and Politics class conducted a mock election today. According to Professor Smith, here is the breakdown of the votes.

John McCain

John McCain – 17 votes

Barack Obama

Barack Obama – 9 votes

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton – 2 votes

Harrison Ford

Harrison Ford – 1 vote

The votes were conducted by writing the name of a candidate on the top of the index card, along with the primary reason for selecting that candidate.

“I was shocked to see Harrison Ford received a vote,” explained Professor Smith. “It really shows how out of touch some of America’s youth are with the US political climate.”

The comment accompanying the Harrison Ford vote provided a detailed explanation of how well he handled the Air Force One hijacking, and also commented on his work in Patriot Games. “I didn’t even see it, but just acting in it makes him more of an American than all of us.”

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This Sign – Please Observe 

One of the most shocking things about law school thus far is the lax attitude several law students adopt while spending their time in the law library. There are designated areas for speaking; please, please, please stop. When I go to the library, I barely even breathe. If I wanted to talk, my face wouldn’t be buried in my Property book. I would be sitting in the lounge, where, shockingly, talking is encouraged!

No, I don’t give a damn what you did this weekend.

I’m here to use the silence that I can’t get at my apartment because of the crazy guy that lives below me.

I’m here to use the temperature controlled environment that doesn’t smell like urine like the public library.

I’m here to study without having to listen to middle/high/undergraduate/law school girls talk about their crushes and the steaming of milk for your crappy latte at a Starbucks.


asshole move

This is one asshole move that you will not catch me pulling in the near future.

Seriously though, just do your work.

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Dylan Walsh in Congo

Dr. Dylan Walsh in Congo

Now I know why I love Nip/Tuck so much. Dylan Walsh, who plays Dr. Sean McNamara in FX’s Nip/Tuck, was cast as Dr. Peter Elliot in the modern marvel of American cinema, Congo (1995).

This also happened to be my favorite movie from my childhood, so it only makes sense that my young adulthood would be heavily influenced by Nip/Tuck.

Dylan Walsh in Nip/Tuck

Dr. Dylan Walsh in Nip/Tuck

It’s amazing how Hollywood develops an actor’s skills. Dylan Walsh plays a doctor in both of his major roles, and over the course of a little less than 10 years, Dr. Walsh went from studying ape culture (and their insatiable thirst for diamonds) in the Congo region of Africa to becoming one of the most prominent plastic surgeons in the Miami and Los Angeles areas.

To celebrate the 10th anniversary of Congo, Dr. Walsh persuaded the writers of Nip/Tuck to showcase both of his talents, by performing plastic surgery on an ape. One of Walsh’s close friends in Hollywood, whom he met on the set of Congo where she was an extra, is Kiki the Gorilla. She acts as herself in the episode from Season 3 (Episode 2, Kiki), and needs plastic surgery done to remove a scar from her face, so her online-gorilla-lover will mate with her when they finally meet for the first time in gorilla.

I’ll save you the trouble – McNamara/Troy does the surgery, but when Kiki and the male gorilla meet, the male gorilla notices something is different and kills her.

Webcams don’t lie.

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Capitalism Coffee Table

[Click image to enlarge]

Complete with reading materials.

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     It was suggested in a comment on one of Matt’s post that I am the resident hair expert at Ranty. This, of course, is 100% true. As proof of this fact, I have dug up some of the more outlandish hairdos I have rocked out in the past.

WARNING: Some viewers might find these haircuts shocking or even offensive. Ranty McRanterson is not responsible for any medical or emotional complications that you may experience. Not for the faint of heart.


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amazon.com email to jesus

[Click image to enlarge]

Who knew that you could send e-mails to Jesus through Amazon.com?

[Note: This is not photoshopped.]

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     I was watching Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith earlier today and was struck with the inspiration required for writing this post. I was considering the great debate about which is better, Old Star Wars or New Star Wars. The Old Star Wars Trilogy includes Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, and Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, all released in the late 70’s to early 80’s. The New Star Wars Trilogy includes Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, and Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, all released in the late 90’s to early aughts. The two trilogies have very different styles and I don’t feel like explaining all this so just look it up yourself. I can be a lazy bastard, it’s my post jerk.


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