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Archive for September, 2009

     After a long hiatus, I find it necessary to bring back a Ranty Classic. Conspiracy Theories. I have been silenced by various forces in the government who find my views unpleasant, but by a clever manipulation of one letter of my last name I found a way to elude them. SUCKERS!

Matt Damon Clones

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This Month’s Hero: Patrick Swayze
No caption required.

No caption required.

     I know that the Hero of the Month is usually posted at the end of the month, but for this man I could not wait any longer. As everyone knows, Patrick Swayze passed away this week after losing his battle against pancreatic cancer. Swayze has always been a personal hero to me and I am paying him tribute to making him one of my patented Heroes of the Month. Although I’ve done many sarcastic Heroes posts, I save the serious ones for my favorite people/fictional characters/inanimate objects, including Harry Kalas, Blade and The Truck.

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     I have a lot of interesting and funny stories from high school. Some of these you will never hear. But some you will. This is one of the latter. Since Souderton’s new high school is opening up, I figured it would be appropriate to tell a story that intimately involves the old building. Souderton’s old high school is a mess of additions, making for a very confusing floor plan that no one can figure out until the last couple days of senior year. That is actually neither here nor there or anywhere in between. What I want to tell you about is our class’ (attempted) senior prank.

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     It was recently pointed out to me by my temporary roomate Shanknasty that these latest posts lack the ranting chops that our readers have come to expect. I don’t really have much of an answer to that. Maybe I’m mellowing out in my old age. Probably not. I think it’s more of an issue that I don’t really go out that often, so I rarely encounter things that enrage me. Sad I know. When I get a real job I’m sure that the rage will be back. Anyway, I figured for this post I’d start off with a story that ends in a rant (hence the Story McRanterson subtitle).

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     Let’s face it, commercials are annoying. I used to have Direct TV and could record shows and view them later in order to skip over the network’s attempts to pay for the programming that I was enjoying. Unfortunately, due someone moving in with an already existing two year contract, we switched to Comcast. We do not have a DVR and I am frequently forced to find alternate channels during commercial breaks. I am the king of this move, but more often than not all the networks seem to take their commercial breaks at the same time. Irresponsible. The channels that I watch should anticipate my needs and stagger their break times. Come on man, get it together. Anyway, after a few months of having to watch crap commercials, I have a new found appreciation for the great commercials of our time. I’m not talking about stand alone commercials, that would be too easy. Actually too hard. I don’t want to have to go have to think about this post all that much. I’ll do three of my favorites.

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     So some time back, I wrote a nice eugoogooly for my favorite website the Enduring Vision. You can click on either link, the first one will take you to my post, the second will take you to the actual Enduring Vision website. If you clicked on the second one, you know that the Enduring Vision is now back in action, with all the pith and sarcasm we have come to expect from them. I wrote Josh a couple of emails congratulating him for being back and explaining that I stole his idea for Yahoo User Reviews. He has not contacted me back and I can only assume that he is now contacting his lawyers to figure out how he can sue me for idea infringement. The joke’s on him though, unless he really wants a 2000 baby blue Ford Focus with over 111,000 miles, I’ve got nothing for him to take. If you’ve read any of this blog, you know that my dignity is gone and I’ve already sold my soul several times over.

This is the Vision's banner.  They may kill me for this.

This is the Vision's banner. They may kill me for this.

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