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Archive for May, 2010

     This is a straight up ripoff from Pete’s Mattiver’s Travels post. He hasn’t posted in a long while, so this is basically a challenge. Petey, I dare you to rip me off. I brought the heat, you bring the noise. Recently, I’ve been making long trips to the Eastern Shore of Maryland (and sometimes Delaware) for work, and I thought my last week’s work schedule would impress people. Mainly girls. Clearly Pete and I started this page in order to attract the attention of the opposite sex. So far, nothing. I’ve tried the “Hi there, I’m the author of a popular webpage” line at the bars and it has gotten me bubkis. I find I do a little better with, “I’m a professional water polo coach” or “I’m a member of President Obama’s cabinet.” Who would have thought. The number of Presidential pardons I’ve promised is staggering.

     First off, this is only the first three days of the week. We shall start, as most people do, with Monday (April 26th 2010):

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     As promised in the promo, this is a new section in Ranty. Yes, the title is 100% lifted from Calvin and Hobbes. As with Calvin’s Great Ideas in Action, I suspect that no one else will think that these are good ideas. Well too damn bad. It’s my blog and I’m going to share my super ideas whose time have not yet come. I’ve always been before my time.

     This idea is for a cable network that shows only commercials. Yes, you read correctly, only commercials. Allow me to explain. I’ve always been a pro with the remote control. My former roommates can attest to that fact. I’m always sure to have a primary and an alternate channel for when the primary goes to commercial. It works passably, but sometimes I am confronted with the situation where my primary and alternate channels have commercials at the same time. This puts me in the unenviable position of having to find a second alternate. I have honed my skills to a point where I can accurately predict when a show is coming back withing three seconds by feel alone. Having to find a second alternate invariably throws my timing off and I am usually late coming back to the primary channel. As a remote control perfectionist, I find this unacceptable.

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     So I was watching NBC’s glorious Thursday night lineup for April 22nd Jebus year 2010 and I saw something that really irked me. No, it was not discovering that Liz Lemon is actually a UMD alumnus (Go Terps), it was a commercial. As is well known, I am a commercial aficionado. I actually have an idea about a network showing only commercials that I will address in a future post, after the copywriting paperwork goes through. Yeah, I’m an ideas man, I think I proved that with Fuck Mountain. Anyway this was a commercial for the new bio-degradable SunChipsĀ® bags.

Tina Fey we're all behind you, wave high the black and gold.

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