If you haven’t been able to tell by other posts on this blog, I’m an irritable person. Small things various people do throughout the day make me angry, and by the time the day is over, I just want to sit back, and watch some television in peace and quiet. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. I don’t give a shit about what happened in your day, just like you really don’t give a shit what happened in mine. Shut up and let me watch my stories. Needless to say, this does not bode well for any future serious relationship I may (or may not) have. I’m trying to work on it. Venting the small stuff that pisses me off on the interwebs seems to be a safe alternative to a murderous rampage. I’m thinking of starting a feature titled something like “Things that shouldn’t really make anyone mad, but set me the hell off for some reason.” If I do decide to do that, this will be part one in a many part series. Chances are, though, I’ll get lazy and this will just be a stand alone.
I came to a conclusion the other day. There are two types of people in this world. Normal people, and people who back their cars into parking spots. I have no idea why this makes me so angry, but it does. To be clear, I’m not talking about a parallel spot where backing in is the right and socially acceptable move. I’m talking about normal parking lots where the car is perpendicular to the driving lane. (On a side note; if you’re nosing into parallel parking spots, you have no earthly right to be driving.) At our rental house we have four cars. Three of us park like human beings, the other one throws caution to the wind and backs his car into our driveway. I don’t think he knows I have a blog and if he’s reading this he might not know I’m talking about him. If he is and does, sorry. I like my driveway to look a certain way, and your car facing the other direction than everyone else’s really screws up my qi.
I need this sign.
[Author’s Note: For those of you that know me, this is not the roommate that I’ve been having serious issues with for the last couple months. I am in the process of preparing a rant on that topic, but I’m waiting for him to move out just in case there is additional craziness between now and then. I’m almost certain there will be. As a preview, here is a direct quote from him, “Mom, I can’t bring women’s underwear to you.”]
I was trying to figure out why a person would back into a spot. Are they planning on committing a crime and need to make a quick getaway? Maybe these people just feel the need to be different than everyone else. Maybe they’re attention starved and need people to look at their cars and say, “Wow, just look at their confidence. Being able to back into a spot. I wish I felt that good about myself.” Perhaps they were just raised to think that it’s socially acceptable to back into a parking spot. Like people who were brought up to think that it’s okay to talk on a cell phone when you’re in line to buy food and then get upset when no one can tell what you’re trying to order because you’re trying to have two goddamned conversations at one time. Or people who think it’s okay to listen to Nickelback.
I’m sure some of you are reading this and thinking that it’s okay to back into a spot. News Flash: It’s not. The rest of us think there is something seriously wrong with you.
Got what you deserved, jackwagon.
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Listen: Kid Cudi, “Pursuit of Happiness”
Read: “You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.'”- Tommy Cooper
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