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Archive for the ‘Apologies to my Freshman Year Roommate’ Category

     Annnnnd we’re back with the second stunning installment of Apologies to my Freshman Year Roommate: Gilo. I’m gonna stick with pranks pulled on people and create a separate category for other funny stories. I’m putting these online for the dual reason of allowing you to partake in the hilarity as well as because I’m starting to forget some of them and it would be good to have a record. So here’s another prank story from freshman year. Enjoy it. That’s an order.

     So freshman year, our floor (Centerville 6 North) had a running feud with the floor below us. I don’t even remember how it started, they were in a different College Park Scholars program than us and apparently we hated them for it. After a few pranks, which mostly involved JimSteve leaving street signs on their floor, they came up to talk to us. We decided there was no reason for the feud and turned our combined pranking skills onto the fourth floor. We hated those jerks, probably for the same reason we had previously hated the fifth floor, that is, no reason. Anyway, this joint pranking lasted for only one prank, possibly because it ended with me having to get surgery. How’s that for a hook? I dare you to stop reading.

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     I was taking a look at our categories and I noticed that “Apologies to my Freshman Year Roomate” has only one entry. This was a category created by Pete, but I find the name particularly funny. I’m going to go ahead and butt in on the category (without expressed written consent). Unfortunately, I didn’t pull many pranks on my freshman year roomates, but I did pull plenty on other people. I could make up a new category “People I Totally Screwed Over in College,” but I like Pete’s better so I’m gonna stick with that. This is gonna start off with pranks pulled on people during college, but might progress into other funny stories from college. I’m not sure whether I’ll create another category for that, much like my “High School Stories” section. We’ll see.

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This is a new section I’ve been wanting to write about for quite some time – it’s just been weighing pretty heavily upon my conscience lately, so here it goes.

Anyone who knew or interacted with me during my freshman year at Susquehanna, they probably knew that I did not particularly get along well with my roommate at the time, let’s call him “M&rk.” I would like to sincerely apologize for all of the crap that I put him through, so if you ever read this, M&rk, seriously, I’m sorry.

asshole move

At one point first semester, I urinated in an empty coke bottle in my closet just for the hell of it. First off, I was shocked that I could fill a 20 oz container to precisely the same level that most beverages are bottled at, so I proudly showed M&rk my accomplishment. He was not amused. I wasn’t done though.

That day…was not M&rk’s day.

He had this unhealthy fascination with his computer, so one of my constant goals was to figure out ways to get him out of his computer chair besides sleeping and occasionally, bathing. Not only could I fill a 20 oz bottle with urine, my urine also was surprisingly warm. I wanted M&rk to know how warm it was, so I tried to hold it up to his face, but he was not having anything to do with that. I didn’t really understand why he was pissed (LOL OMG ROFL) about it, it’s not like I peed on the outside of the bottle. In retrospect, it was a pretty awful thing to do.

Dear M&rk,

I am profoundly sorry for holding a warm bottle of pee up to your face.

Love,

Matt

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