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Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

We all love Chipotle.  The soft flour tortilla overflowing with fluffy rice, juicy pepper and onions, mushy beans, succulent tender meats, spicy salsa, gooey guacamole and semi-melted jack cheese.  My keyboard is covered in drool just thinking about it.  My friend, the Steak Burrito with red salsa (hot), pinto beans and cheese, is probably the stupidest thing to eat the night before a job interview.  The song “Tainted Love” springs into my head.

I arrived in College Park for a job interview in Arlington.  Meeting up with my bros we drank some Buds (heavy, not light), got hungry and went to that old standby:  the Greenbelt Chipotle.  A straight shot up MD-193 with the omnipresent danger of hitting a day laborer crossing Greenbelt Road makes the sizzling scent of Chipotle all the more enticing.  The fact that you may very well murder a Mexican en route to eat Mexican food somehow makes the burrito that much tastier.  But I digress…  We got our Chipotle, somehow managed not to eat it in the car and made our way back to 8802, a house so filled with empty beer bottles and cans that a homeless man buy his way off the street if he discovered that Shangri-la of recyclables.  I forgot, this post is about the dangers of Chipotle…I’ll stay on topic.  Chipotle finished, some more Bud time followed by bed time.  Up early for the long Metro (Green + Orange) to Arlington, VA.

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     So I was watching NBC’s glorious Thursday night lineup for April 22nd Jebus year 2010 and I saw something that really irked me. No, it was not discovering that Liz Lemon is actually a UMD alumnus (Go Terps), it was a commercial. As is well known, I am a commercial aficionado. I actually have an idea about a network showing only commercials that I will address in a future post, after the copywriting paperwork goes through. Yeah, I’m an ideas man, I think I proved that with Fuck Mountain. Anyway this was a commercial for the new bio-degradable SunChips® bags.

Tina Fey we're all behind you, wave high the black and gold.

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     Being from the Philadelphia area, I am well familiar with a good cheesesteak. We all know about Pat’s, Gino’s and Jim’s, and some of us (namely the creators of the site) frequent La Pizzaria, whose shirt I happen to be wearing right now. All of us who have had a good Philly cheesesteak know what can and cannot be done with cheesesteaks, which is why I feel morally obligated to speak out on the following topic.

     Recently, I have seen an increase in what I call “cheesesteak abominations.” There are two types of these affronts to God. The first: a bastard child between a cheesesteak and another food type. The second: a ‘cheesesteak’ made by someone who has no goddamn right to be touching even the most basic ingredients of a cheesesteak. I will address these two situations in order.

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