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Archive for the ‘Heroes’ Category

It has now been five years since Dave Chappelle left the entertainment world to go chill out on his Ohio farm.  At first, his absence from Comedy Central simply meant a lot of unsuccessful sketch shows in his former time slot.  Now, the lack of Chappelle in the social commentary is hurting out country.  No other black comedian since has had a similar television show, and those that do (Tyler Perry) aren’t funny and show white America the “Family Matters” side of black America.  Chappelle made us all laugh at the blatant racism and bigotry that still exists in our country despite all the talk of equality and a “post-racial” society.  Whether it be the Gay KKK, Friday Night Sissy Fights, Real Real World, The World is Not Meant for Us, or any other sketch, Chappelle was not only making us laugh but also making us think just a little bit.

Alright, I’m not going to go into some diatribe about the socio-economic importance of black comic commentary in America, although I could, but that wouldn’t be in line with the Ranty McRanterson policy on seriousness (none is allowed).  So, Mr. Chappelle, if you’re listening…PLEASE COME BACK.  Here is a list of possible sketches I thought of for you.  You don’t have to pay me for them, just come back.  If you don’t, the possibility exists that Demetri Martin or Carlos Mencia would get a show again.  Do you really want that on your conscience Dave?  Do you?

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This Month’s Hero: Mark “Shenanigans Have Been Called” McGwire

I can't believe this is funny again.

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This Month’s Hero: Carl “CJ” Johnson

Bicycle Drive By. The gangster version of Motorcycle Drive By by TEB.

     This is actually a very long overdue tribute to one of my favorite video game characters. Carl is the protagonist from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. After approximately one million hours of actual playtime, I feel like I’ve gotten to know CJ pretty well. For a short sum up of his personality, he’s a street thug with a heart of gold. He has the ability to befriend many people from disparate ethnicities as well as socio-economic groups.

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This Month’s Hero: Patrick Swayze
No caption required.

No caption required.

     I know that the Hero of the Month is usually posted at the end of the month, but for this man I could not wait any longer. As everyone knows, Patrick Swayze passed away this week after losing his battle against pancreatic cancer. Swayze has always been a personal hero to me and I am paying him tribute to making him one of my patented Heroes of the Month. Although I’ve done many sarcastic Heroes posts, I save the serious ones for my favorite people/fictional characters/inanimate objects, including Harry Kalas, Blade and The Truck.

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This Month’s Hero: Sarah Palin
I think she's gonna cry.

I think she's gonna cry.

     So after more than a year, I’m bringing back the Hero of the Month. I would have posted about Heroes from the last year, but let’s face it, nothing really happened in the past year. For this month, I have nominated former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. Although resigning her governorship, she has managed to remain in the news cycle, mostly by making bizarre statements about a variety of different issues. Her ability to indefinitely extend her fifteen minutes of fame is commendable and deserves attention.

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This Month’s Hero: Tyler Perry
Don't give me that look, you know what you did.

Don't give me that look, you know what you did.

     This month’s Hero is the great Tyler Perry. This man had done more to infuriate me in the past few years than almost anyone on the face of the planet. Except Tim Tebow. I hate hearing that damn name. Why the hell is everyone on that dude’s balls! Bring it down Clint, easy. Okay, back to Tyler Perry. I have included a summary of his works from IMDb:

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This Month’s Hero: The Cube Franchise
This dude is in trouble.

This dude is in trouble.

     Well, I’ve been storing up some Heroes for a while and rather than waiting for the next month, I’m going to pleasure you by going back in time and posting Heroes from past months. Unorthodox I know, but that’s just who I am this week. As soon as this has sat for a while (read: gets pushed off the front page) I’ll move it to it’s proper month. If I can figure out how to change the date of posting. Anyway, Enjoy!

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