As I mentioned in my Don’t Call it a Comeback post, I had previously written a guide for driving in the snow. It was a scathing masterpiece of epic proportions and I had everything that I wanted in it. I lost it, but here is my attempt to recreate the post. Keep in mind, this is occurring in March and we haven’t had decent snow since, well, I can’t remember the date but it was a long time ago. When I had previously written the post, I had just come back from a trip on the Eastern Shore in the snow and all this was fresh in my mind. I’m going to try to hit on all the topics that I had written in the original post, but I fear some of the topics and most of the fire will be lost. I hope this turns out okay.

     For some reason, although it gets hit with an average of two moderate snowstorms a year, no one in the DC area seems to be able to grasp the fact that when there is snow on the road it’s wise to change one’s driving habits. This is evidenced by the number of car accidents that inevitably accompany any amount of snow falling in or around the area. I thought it might be a wise idea to put out a comprehensive guide on what it takes to handle this wacky and unheard of thing they call snow.

#1. Do not properly clean the snow off your car. This one is almost a no brainer. In low visibility conditions like falling snow, you want to make your already hard to see vehicle is invisible to other cars. This will allow you to elude the other drivers. As an added bonus, huge chunks of snow flying off of your car can cause other people to crash, clearing more of the road for you.

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Little Annoyances

     If you haven’t been able to tell by other posts on this blog, I’m an irritable person. Small things various people do throughout the day make me angry, and by the time the day is over, I just want to sit back, and watch some television in peace and quiet. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. I don’t give a shit about what happened in your day, just like you really don’t give a shit what happened in mine. Shut up and let me watch my stories. Needless to say, this does not bode well for any future serious relationship I may (or may not) have. I’m trying to work on it. Venting the small stuff that pisses me off on the interwebs seems to be a safe alternative to a murderous rampage. I’m thinking of starting a feature titled something like “Things that shouldn’t really make anyone mad, but set me the hell off for some reason.” If I do decide to do that, this will be part one in a many part series. Chances are, though, I’ll get lazy and this will just be a stand alone.

     I came to a conclusion the other day. There are two types of people in this world. Normal people, and people who back their cars into parking spots. I have no idea why this makes me so angry, but it does. To be clear, I’m not talking about a parallel spot where backing in is the right and socially acceptable move. I’m talking about normal parking lots where the car is perpendicular to the driving lane. (On a side note; if you’re nosing into parallel parking spots, you have no earthly right to be driving.) At our rental house we have four cars. Three of us park like human beings, the other one throws caution to the wind and backs his car into our driveway. I don’t think he knows I have a blog and if he’s reading this he might not know I’m talking about him. If he is and does, sorry. I like my driveway to look a certain way, and your car facing the other direction than everyone else’s really screws up my qi.

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The Last Bell – Pt. 7

[Editor’s Note: This entire story was written by Dirq, but he’s been taken off of our possible authors so this is under my name. Other than what is written in here and a slight formatting change, this is all Dirq. As promised, here is the stunning conclusion of The Last Bell. I’d tell you I waited until the latter part of the day to post it just to make you wonder whether or not I was gonna post it, that’d be a lie. Truth is, it’s just been a long day without internet connectivity. Anyway, enjoy it!]

The Last Bell
By Dirq
Chapter XIII – The Battle

     As Gerry was blasted into smithereens, Dan Nice led the main charge into the auditorium. He immediately spotted Steve’s group, spreading out across the stage. “Onward to the stage, men! And women!” Dan shouted heroically, rushing forward and holding aloft a mighty bomb. “Take this, vile heathen!”

     He hurled his bomb, but it detonated harmlessly a few feet ahead of him. “Okay, no harm done!” he shouted. “I’ll get ‘em with the next one!”

     The battle lines quickly formed – Steve Obeng and his group assembled on the stage and first few rows, while Dan and his men were attacking down the main isles, using cover from Josh in the balcony. Smoke and fire filled the room as more and more bombs went off. The situation began to become very confused.

     “We have to do something about their sniper up there!” Steve Obeng declared. “Steve… take care of him!”

     Steve Beneke rose from behind a table that was serving as his shield and nodded. “Leave everything to me, sir!”

     Immediately he grabbed a long chain that was hanging backstage and gave a mighty tug on it. The chain came tumbling down, and Steve quickly tied it into a lasso and charged toward the main part of the auditorium. The room was so filled with smoke and dust that none of the other group saw him approaching. Steve halted right beneath where he had seen the shape of the sniper. Gazing up, he saw that it was none other than Josh Yerk merrily throwing bombs into the auditorium.

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The Last Bell – Pt. 6

[Editor’s Note: This entire story was written by Dirq, but he’s been taken off of our possible authors so this is under my name. Other than what is written in here and a slight formatting change, this is all Dirq. I’m sticking to the weekly update precident I’ve set, so be looking for the FINAL installment next week. That’s right kids, after this, just one more part left and we can all find out who ultimately makes it out alive.]

The Last Bell
By Dirq
Chapter XI – Adrienne

     The class – or at least the half that remained after Dan’s departure – had organized itself into a rough circle to discuss what they were going to do. Personally, Adrienne didn’t care much about the political battle that seemed to have started. To her, no matter what any of them did, their situation was hopeless. No matter who had more power, no matter who was their leader, no matter who got control of the food or who possessed more of the school, they were all going to die.

     She looked around at the others, who were discussing what the territorial boundaries between their group and Dan’s group should be. It was ridiculous, Adrienne thought… humanity outside had just destroyed itself completely, and now the last people on earth were about to do the same thing to each other. Insanity… was everyone going insane? Adrienne certainly thought so.

     Steve Obeng pounded his fist on a desk for silence. “Enough of this! We shouldn’t be bargaining with them like this! You’ve democratically elected me the leader! We can’t tolerate dissention in the ranks at a time like this!”

     “So what do we do about it?” Matt Landis asked.

     “We strike,” Steve said decisively. “Dan’s no fool. He’ll know that the most valuable area in the school is the cafeteria. That’s where all the food is, and we all need food. If he can get that, he’ll have the upper hand. So we strike before he can take it.”

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The Last Bell – Pt. 5

[Editor’s Note: As promised, here is the next installment of The Last Bell series. This entire story was written by Dirq, but he’s been taken off of our possible authors so this is under my name. Other than what is written in here and a slight formatting change, this is all Dirq. I already have the whole story broken up, formatted and saved to WordPress (that was a fun day and a half), so it should be relatively easy to put these out on a more regular basis. I’m going with weekly. Also, I know exactly how many parts are left to the story. Should I tell you? Maybe if you ask nicely.]

The Last Bell
By Dirq
Chapter IX – Steve Obeng

     When Kim gave the code word (“Wa-hooo”), Steve Obeng sprang out of the large trash bin he had been hiding in and raised a bottle of cleaning fluid over his head. Around him, his classmates were jumping out of their own hiding places to begin the attack on the mutant zombie teachers.

     “With the strength of Bill Cosby!” Steve shouted heroically, and struck a match. He set the match to the rag that he had stuffed into the top of the cleaning bottle and watched it begin to burn. Shouldn’t wait too long, he reminded himself. Steve quickly scanned the knuckle for a target. A few yards away, the mutant zombie of Mrs. Eschbach was backing away from the mass of students that had suddenly materialized. “Mrs. Eschbach!” Steve shouted.

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Upon a request from a co-worker at Pete’s law office to decorate, Pete took it upon himself to bring in a basket for lotion and hand sanitizer. He plans on getting some of that Easter grass to complete the look.

The Last Bell – Pt. 4

[Editor’s Note: Seeing that it’s been almost five years since the last installment, I suppose now is as good a time as any to post the next two thrilling chapters of The Last Bell. I had thought that I had lost the story after my complete computer meltdown, but after Sean and Gary commented that they wanted more, I conducted an in-depth search. Lo and behold, there it was, hiding on my old hard drive. This entire story was written by Dirq, but he’s been taken off of our possible authors so this is under my name. Other than what is written in here and a slight formatting change, this is all Dirq. So, without further ado, here you are! Okay a little more ado, since its been a whole long while and you’ve forgotten all that’s happened, I’m posting links to Parts 1-3 below. Also, Part 3 seems to have terminated halfway through the Jill chapter, so I’ll post the final half of that chapter and the next two.]

The Last Bell – Pt. 1
The Last Bell – Pt. 2
The Last Bell – Pt. 3

The Last Bell
By Dirq
Chapter VI – Jill [2nd Half]

     They all stood listening. Jill strained her ears, hoping to detect that sound again. It had been almost like clothing brushing against the carpeted walls of the C Wing. After a few moments of completed silence, however, Jill shrugged and turned back around. “I guess it was nothing.” She smiled. “I guess my mind is playing tricks on me.”

     “We’re all on edge,” Kate said sympathetically. Jill smiled and nodded. She liked Kate – she was always very understanding. Dirk said that they should continue on to the basement, so the group started to move once again.

     Suddenly something moved in the hallway ahead of them. Something stepped out of a stairwell and into the middle of the hallway, something that very much resembled the figure that Dirk and Josh had seen the night before. Jill’s heart thumped and seemed to stop in her chest as she froze in her tracks. The rest of the group halted immediately.

     Jill had never seen anything like it. It was indeed Mr. Johnson, the kindly old math teacher. However, it also wasn’t Mr. Johnson, the kindly old math teacher. His skin was pale and white and seemed to be stretched taught over his bones. His clothing was torn and in disorder. One of his feet was without shoe or sock. The strangest thing, thought, was the look in his eyes. It was an alien look, full of both curiosity and hatred.

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