My summer has been one of ups and downs, however an unlikely culprit has been identified as the bane of my existence.
On my first day, I walk into work, and what do I smell as soon as I get in there? Fresh buttered popcorn. We make at least three packs of popcorn a day, the customers love it. I have never been a fan of buttered popcorn, but try spending literally eight hours a day next to it. It’s nearly impossible to resist just grabbing a handful.
After day three, I swore off popcorn all together. A month later, I have come to a compromise – one bag of popcorn per day. That’s it, I couldn’t take it anymore.
Here’s a question for you germophobes – where do you draw the line with a popcorn machine? The warmth from the bulb probably creates a bacterial utopia in which all types thrive, with oil, salt and butter to feed upon.
Is it bad to just reach in and grab a handful, or should you use the little scooper that’s in the machine? Some customers really take care to scoop the popcorn into the little bags, making sure not to touch any of it, and look at anyone who would haphazardly use their hands with disgust
If your problem is that your dirty hands are touching pieces of popcorn that you aren’t going to take, well what about the handle of the scooper? That touches the popcorn too. Or should you keep the scooper on the outside, where the whole scoop is picking up airborne bacteria? What about the handle of the door to open the popcorn machine, is that sanitary? How often is that machine cleaned, and is it even cleaned properly?
Crap, we’re all going to die.
And now, a transition none of you saw coming.
Interestingly, we sell what must smell like freshly popped buttered popcorn to Japanese Beetles. Japanese beetle bait and bags. This product does such a ‘good’ job of attracting them, that it draws beetles in from over a mile away, overfilling the bags and therefore attracting more beetles to destroy your plants than otherwise would’ve been there. I’m still trying to figure out why we actually sell them; I guess it’s just to recommend to customers we don’t particularly care for. (FYI, the best way to treat for them is to spray using an insect killer like Sevin, which has very little residual effect but does the job on existing beetle problems without attracting more in the process.)
Here’s a funny prank that I thought of though, if you really don’t like someone, you can buy bait at our store for $3.99. It will draw literally thousands of Japanese beetles from a 1-1.5 mile radius to wherever you choose to stash it. I was thinking of good places to put them – under your neighbor’s deck, under the hood of someone’s car, in a chimney…the possibilities are endless.
Listen: Stone Temple Pilots, “Interstate Love Song”
Quote: “Stop crapping yourself, don’t you realize I haven’t legitimately posted on this thing in months?” – Matt, in conversation with Bri about his “responsibilities” at Ranty McRanterson.
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