Just gonna go ahead and jump right in

Welcome to this week’s Politics As Usual, I’m your host Shanknasty. This week we’re going to be meeting the new elected Congressman from New Jersey’s District 3, and former Eagles Pro Bowl Right Tackle, Jon Runyan.

What? You thought only the guys in your fantasy draft get noticed by the ladies?

From his bio on runyanforcongress.com:

Jon Daniel Runyan, 36, was born in Flint, Michigan. His father worked for General Motors for nearly 30 years and his Mom largely stayed home and raised Jon and his two younger twin brothers.

Ah yes. Flint, Michigan. The home of Michael Moore, Jim Abbott, and MC Breed. “Breed” as he’s known (or was known, he died in 2008 due to kidney failure), is the first rapper come out of the Midwest and actually did a song called “Gotta Get Mine” with Tupac. Who did Nothin But Trouble with Demi Moore. Who did A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon. Go ahead, look it up.

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The Best Music from the 80s, 90s and Today!

     For work I tend to drive enough to span several media markets, making it a necessity to spend most of the day searching for tolerable radio stations. A helpful note, once you get onto the Eastern Shore of Maryland, good music seems to dry up quickly. Why one area needs five hundred country music stations and only one for classic rock, I’ll never know. Anyway, I’ve become very familiar with the different types of radio stations out there, and I found one that pisses me off more than any others. You might be thinking that I’m about to go off on a rant about country music, but you’d be wrong. That would be too predictable and everyone knows I like to keep it fresh. As much as I despise country, the mix station wins my award for crappiest type of radio station out there.

Dumb.

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The Octo-Burner

     I will start this treatise by saying that I understand that there are a lot of major problems in our world right now (war, poverty, oppression, twitter), but I feel that there a lingering debate which I feel necessary to elucidate.

     If you’re like me, you’ve have a lot of drunk conversations at bars, in kitchens, in livings rooms or outdoors. I notice that one particular drunken debate that comes up is the following:

          “So who do you think is better: The Who, The Rolling Stones or Led Zeppelin?”

     I’m going to settle this debate once and for all. Led Zeppelin is the best band, far and away, not even close. I should mention here that I am a huge fan of all three of these bands. Songs from all three are currently on my iPod and I honestly can’t remember a commute that didn’t feature heavy doses of all three. But back to return to the matter at hand: Led Zeppelin.

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Dear Wale

Dear Wale,

We know your name is Wah-lay, not Wah-lee, so you can just skip that part of your songwriting process.

Love,

The World

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Makavelli — Expanded

     Due to the fact that Tupac Shakur is coming back on Saturday (07/07/07), I felt the need to expand my former Makavelli post and put it up again. This way, when he actually does come back, I can look like a total badass.

     The last post included a section on where I thought Tupac was hiding, namely College Park, MD: Home of the Terrapins. I will begin with that, show more evidence why Shakur is alive and finish up with why he is coming back on 07/07/07.

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Hips Don’t Lie

A lot of pop songs on the radio are just about sex, drugs, video games, etc…but every once in a while, a song comes out that actually is trying to make a statement.

Shakira, Shakira

“Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira featuring Wyclef Jean is one of those songs. You may not have even caught the song’s true meaning in the thousands of times you have probably heard it on the radio, at parties, and blasting out of freshman girls dorm rooms before a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night.

It is a little known fact that Shakira is a dedicated evolutionist, and has studied Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution extensively. The inspiration for the song clearly came from the fact that whales have vestigial hip bones, which is a factor indicating that evolution does in fact occur.

These hips don’t lie.

Wyclef Jean, who is also featured on the track, agrees with the theory of evolution, and supports Shakira throughout the song by yelling “Shakira Shakira!” after the chorus.

Shakira takes the perspective of a whale in the following lyrics: “And I’m on tonight/You know my hips don’t lie/And I’m starting to feel it’s right [theory of evolution]/All the attraction, the tension/Don’t you see baby [Charles Darwin], this is perfection [the theory of evolution].”

Isn’t it obvious?

Listen: New Found Glory, “Oxygen”

Quote: “I’d rather be really sick at Halo.” – Josh’s response to my realization that my instrument of choice is now the lap drums rather than air guitar.

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Panic!

Panic! at the Disco is the epitome of music that sucks and exemplary of why the music industry is going downhill. They are the reason why I don’t buy many cds anymore. Why you ask? Panic! at the Disco is Fall Out Boy. The vocalist sounds exactly the same, they’re on Peter Wentz’s label, what do they do that Fall Out Boy hasn’t already done and ruined?

They think that it would be a good idea to name songs really long and obscure names like “The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage” and “I Constantly Thank God for Esteban.” They just did that so some loser could say to their friend, “hey I heard about this really cool band named Panic! at the Disco and they have an exclamation point in their name and excess punctuation is the coolest and they have songs that have really long names and the meaning must be equally as deep because why else would they have a long name referencing something really obscure?”

The title of their next single is going to be: “Trials of an Overproduced Band that made way too much money on the first CD (This is Catchy, Believe Us)”

Panic! at the Disco is also the reason I don’t watch MTV anymore. Their video are TERRIBLE. I’d rather watch HGTV for twelve hours straight than watch three minutes and six seconds of “I Write Sins Not Tragedies.” I bet you write sins not tragedies you dbag. I get pissed off just thinking of what the person who wrote that title must’ve looked like and thought as they wrote it. They probably had this real smug look on their face and thought to themselves, “I’m going to make a shitload of money off of this crap because the gullible general American twelve to twenty-five year old is going to be like OMG LOL THIS IS DA BOMB!!”

And it wouldn’t even surprise me if it was some music executive that hand-crafted this band in the image of Fall Out Boy. Probably the same person that invented the concept of “scene,” and is working to make it cool to listen to crap that no one should ever listen to.

Listen: Sigur Ros, “Untitled 4”

Quote: “I don’t know why, but there’s a Wawa bag with a donut in it, and that movie with Kevin Costner in it is on…Tin Cup.” – Clint

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Rap Ballads

Why I like The Roots new CD, Game Theory:

The Roots actually have some talent in making music, unlike most rap artists today. “Game Theory” isn’t unnecessarily explicit like most rap music out there. There isn’t any talking about what’s going down in the club or in the mall, there isn’t anyone screaming about snappin’ they fanguhs. It’s got some great songs on there, some badass songs, some slower songs. A solid mix all in all, and they’re from the streets of South Philly, something everyone in our area can relate to a little bit.

Why I like Lil Jon:

It’s amazing that this guy gets paid to do what he does. All the music sounds the same, he just yells random stuff and makes millions. Plus, his music is so unnecessarily explicit, it’s a joy to listen to in any setting, be it at work or on a first date. What’s not to like?

Listen: The Roots, “All in the Music”

Quote: “A-yo..stab dis n*gga.” – random dude outside of a bar in Hamilton, NY

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Soul Coughing is the Next Nostradamus

Me, Marcus, and Mike Doughty

     I was listening to Soul Coughing today on my brand new iPod (which for some reason says Matt Landis on the back) and the song “Is Chicago, Is Not Chicago” came on. Listening to the lyrics, I realized that the lyrics to this song, published in 1994, bear a resemblance to some more recent events. I will post the lyrics below:

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Gnarls Barkley!

Star Wars + Gnarls Barkley = Badass

Listen: Gnarls Barkley, “Crazy”

Quote: “It’s ok Butters, Margerine is a healthy alternative to butter.” – Myself

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