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Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

It has now been five years since Dave Chappelle left the entertainment world to go chill out on his Ohio farm.  At first, his absence from Comedy Central simply meant a lot of unsuccessful sketch shows in his former time slot.  Now, the lack of Chappelle in the social commentary is hurting out country.  No other black comedian since has had a similar television show, and those that do (Tyler Perry) aren’t funny and show white America the “Family Matters” side of black America.  Chappelle made us all laugh at the blatant racism and bigotry that still exists in our country despite all the talk of equality and a “post-racial” society.  Whether it be the Gay KKK, Friday Night Sissy Fights, Real Real World, The World is Not Meant for Us, or any other sketch, Chappelle was not only making us laugh but also making us think just a little bit.

Alright, I’m not going to go into some diatribe about the socio-economic importance of black comic commentary in America, although I could, but that wouldn’t be in line with the Ranty McRanterson policy on seriousness (none is allowed).  So, Mr. Chappelle, if you’re listening…PLEASE COME BACK.  Here is a list of possible sketches I thought of for you.  You don’t have to pay me for them, just come back.  If you don’t, the possibility exists that Demetri Martin or Carlos Mencia would get a show again.  Do you really want that on your conscience Dave?  Do you?

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Welcome to this week’s Politics As Usual, I’m your host Shanknasty. This week we’re going to be meeting the new elected Congressman from New Jersey’s District 3, and former Eagles Pro Bowl Right Tackle, Jon Runyan.

What? You thought only the guys in your fantasy draft get noticed by the ladies?

From his bio on runyanforcongress.com:

Jon Daniel Runyan, 36, was born in Flint, Michigan. His father worked for General Motors for nearly 30 years and his Mom largely stayed home and raised Jon and his two younger twin brothers.

Ah yes. Flint, Michigan. The home of Michael Moore, Jim Abbott, and MC Breed. “Breed” as he’s known (or was known, he died in 2008 due to kidney failure), is the first rapper come out of the Midwest and actually did a song called “Gotta Get Mine” with Tupac. Who did Nothin But Trouble with Demi Moore. Who did A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon. Go ahead, look it up.

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Global Warming/Interstate Highways

     In the past decades, much has been made of the Global Warming/Greenhouse Gas effect. Unfortunately, science got it wrong on this one. The Global Warming theory is really a massive conspiracy to hide the real reasons behind the slight warming trend and severe weather: The Interstate Highway System. That’s correct, the real culprit is our glorious highway system. The Interstates were authorized in 1956 by the Federal-Aid Highway Act. It was unveiled as a system of roads making it easier for the national defense of the country by allowing troops to move about more easily. Popular opinion would have you believe that it was championed by President Dwight D. Eisenhower after he saw how effectively the Germans used the Autobahn in World War II. This was merely a smokescreen to hide the real nature of the Interstate system.

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George Clooney
Due to Ted Kennedy’s untimely passing on Tuesday, there is currently a seat open in the US Senate. Who is the best man for the job?

You guessed it, George Clooney.

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This Month’s Hero: Sarah Palin
I think she's gonna cry.

I think she's gonna cry.

     So after more than a year, I’m bringing back the Hero of the Month. I would have posted about Heroes from the last year, but let’s face it, nothing really happened in the past year. For this month, I have nominated former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. Although resigning her governorship, she has managed to remain in the news cycle, mostly by making bizarre statements about a variety of different issues. Her ability to indefinitely extend her fifteen minutes of fame is commendable and deserves attention.

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A Shippensburg University US Government and Politics class conducted a mock election today. According to Professor Smith, here is the breakdown of the votes.

John McCain

John McCain – 17 votes

Barack Obama

Barack Obama – 9 votes

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton – 2 votes

Harrison Ford

Harrison Ford – 1 vote

The votes were conducted by writing the name of a candidate on the top of the index card, along with the primary reason for selecting that candidate.

“I was shocked to see Harrison Ford received a vote,” explained Professor Smith. “It really shows how out of touch some of America’s youth are with the US political climate.”

The comment accompanying the Harrison Ford vote provided a detailed explanation of how well he handled the Air Force One hijacking, and also commented on his work in Patriot Games. “I didn’t even see it, but just acting in it makes him more of an American than all of us.”

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Astrology and Politics

Election 2008

Today on Foxnews.com, there was a video with the founder of Astrologyzone.com, Susan Miller, making predictions for today’s South Carolina Democratic Primary.  I didn’t provide a convenient link to that site on purpose, I wouldn’t want one of you to accidentally click it and give them ad revenue.

“I’m worried about mechanical breakdowns with the equipment.”

Miller goes on to evaluate the different methods of voting and which is the most reliable – great, I’m sure your expertise on how accurate automated voting machines are compared to other systems is worth considering. Also, it’s not cliché to predict a technical problem with voting equipment.

“I think it’s going to be so close that somebody is going to ask for a recount.”

“I think Hillary has an advantage…but I’m splitting hairs here.”

Wrong about the winner, but, thankfully, astrology did provide a good indication of how close it was. It could’ve gone either way, really.

Results

Obama – 55%
Clinton – 27%
Edwards – 18%
(cnn.com)

28% differential – that’s pretty close – definitely close enough for a recount. In fact, Edwards should probably press for one.

“This one’s going to be really tight.”

…that’s what she said.

[Author’s Note]: I wish the little guy in the middle was green instead of purple. No worries, I’ll have Photoshop before that’s necessary.

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