Don’t Call it a Comeback

     I suppose it’s time to do a new post. I’ve been away for a while. Apparently my last legit post was in October. Whoops. I’ve been busy, uninspired, lazy. I was gonna post something about a month ago. It was a long guide for Maryland drivers unfamiliar on how to drive in the snow. I put a lot of work into it (about twenty minutes, don’t judge me), but then my computer caught a death virus and I started losing functionality. I had to frantically transfer files to a borrowed flash drive and I foolishly went for my lab data that I had spent hundreds of hours on. By the time it came to getting my personal files, the computer had shut itself down and refused to start back up. I ended up losing all my personal files, including several ideas I had for posts.

     I know what you’re saying, “you could have just wrote your posts on WordPress and then you’d still have them regardless of what your stupid computer does.” That’s probably a good idea. Now allow me to promptly ignore your advice and keep writing in Word and transferring things over. I’ve got a very specific process that I like to follow.

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Another Bailout for Corporate Fatcats, Please!

     As you may or may not know, Ranty McRanterson was recently riding a tidal wave of popularity. In March 2010, our hit count was 1,133. That number marked a steady increase since Ranty’s founding in roughly 10,000 BC. Yes, it was a pretty flat line there for a while. In April 2010, I noticed a sharp spike in our monthly hit count, up to 1,873. Nice, but nothing to write home about. I figured it would drop back down the next month. But then May rolled along. Ranty’s hit count skyrocketed to 3,864. We saw it as a sign. We were now gods among mortals. We started buying houses and cars well beyond our means, gave ourselves huge bonuses and chartered a private spaceship ride to Mars.

Artist's rendition of our private spaceship.

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The New and Improved Ranty

Dear Reader,

     Congratulations!! You have been randomly selected from our readership to hear about this one-time exclusive offer! Ranty McRanterson is expanding and upgrading. We will soon be offering more, both in terms of content and gloriosity. Coming soon, we will have increased guest writers providing rants on a wide variety of topics including, but not limited to, MLB news, music, politics and kittens.

KITTEN!!!!!!!

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Top Searches

     Well, it’s 2010 and I guess it’s time for the first post of the New Year. If you’ve been checking in the last few days you might have noticed that two posts were added to December 31st. Yeah, I posted a couple things in January but changed the date to December. But seriously, who am I kidding, no one noticed that. I know you bastards don’t check this site that often. Unless you do. Then thanks. Anyway, I thought I would address something that has been giving me large amounts of amusement. That’s right, the top searches that lead most of you to this site. WordPress allows us to track not only how many of you check the site per day, but also the avenues that bring you here. Most come through web searches, and we can find the keywords in the search that somehow bring you to our mostly overlooked blog. I took a harder look at the keyword searches for the past 365 days (they tell me that that’s a full year). I would be disappointed in the keywords if it weren’t so damn funny. Let’s get into it.

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Will The Really Ranty McRanterson Please Stand Up

     Today I Googled Ranty McRanterson to check up on things and I was shocked to find other results than our blog. It used to be that when I would Google Ranty McRanterson, there would just be a link to our website and another asking if I meant Randy McRanterson (I almost never did). But now there seem to be several new pretenders to the throne. We’re not even the first link anymore, its someone’s Twitter account whose name is Ranty McRanterson. Considering we started this blog before Twitter existed, I think we have some sort of trademark on the name. Specifically Pete, cause I’m pretty sure he came up with the name.

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PSA for the Ranty Faithful [Updated]

Not to be outdone by Clint’s recent claim in a comment/demonstrated posting dominance, I decided to post for the first time in quite a while with a little public service announcement for those who have been following the Ranty McRanterson.

Google Reader is a tool that I have been using in conjunction with Gmail and Google Calendar for some time now to keep up with what is going on in the world. For those of you who aren’t aware, Google Reader is an RSS reader that allows you to track a number of websites that you normally read. I think of it as bookmarks on steroids.  Prior to Google Reader, I would have my favorite websites organized in the bookmarks toolbar of my browser, and click each one individually to check on what’s new.

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State of the Ranty

     Alright, so I have no clue what’s going on with this website. Shit is gettin’ real. Allow me to explain.

     I was going through all of my old posts in order to update formatting (and maybe change things that could be embarrassing to me personally. You’ll never know, the originals are gone. SUCKERS!). Anywho, I noticed two strange things.

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Reminiscences of My Childhood – Part Pete

While perusing through some of the rants on this weblog, some of you may have been wondering – what the heck is wrong with the guys that write for this blog. One place you may have started to look is our History page, but there you only found answers to the history of Ranty McRanterson, and two stupid videos that say little [or, maybe a lot] about who we are.

This post will give you a glimpse into the childhood of just 1/2 of Ranty, but I hope that it provides some answers for you in your search for meaning and ‘Why, God, why?’

Haircut at a Young Age – The Modified Bowl Cut

I couldn’t link to a real picture of me, Lego’s shall suffice

In middle school, I, like many others at that time, conformed to the growing popular hair style – the bowl cut. I vividly remember walking into the local barbershop, and proclaiming:

“Make me look like Leonardo DiCaprio.”

My hair happens to be very thin, so I was unable to achieve the full, tousled look of most bowl cuts, so I simply parted my hair in the middle — and thought I was ‘it.’ I couldn’t wait to go to the next middle school dance, sporting the ‘wet’ look, a silver chain necklace, and a Guess shirt that showed off my tight body. Looking back, I couldn’t have been more wrong about the totality of those circumstances.

I was so close

Well, I did kind of was right about the Leonardo DiCaprio thing – in the prepubescent-bodied, smug-faced, wet-look-gelled-hair kind of way – but aside from that, I was way off.

Room Decor Until an Embarrassingly Old Age – The Care Bears Lamp

I Love Lamp.

Yeah, I had a Care Bears lamp in my room until middle school, at which point I finally realized that I was too old for such childish things. It was just a lamp, it provided ample light and a warm glow to read Goosebumps books, it was a good lamp.

I was sad to see it go. I just put it in my brother’s room, where it currently adorns his nightstand. He’s going to kill me for putting this up here, but he likes it more than I did, and he’s 19. He also has an unhealthy obsession with A.C. Slater. Unlike his Facebook wall, he can’t censor this blog. Ha ha, sucker.

Sound Investments at a Young Age – Trading Money with my Brother

He he…I win.

This one isn’t embarrassing at all – when my brother and I were just old enough to have our very own disposable income [allowance], I used to trade him shiny pennies for those big, dull quarters. Pennies were easier to swallow, and they were shiny, who wouldn’t want them more than a big dumb quarter? Apparently I’ve been effectively honing my persuasive voice since a very young age.

Traffic Lights Are Not Controlled by my Dad

These lights actually are controlled by garage door openers

I still can’t believe I fell for this one. No matter how dumb I’ve made my brother seem up until this point, this one takes the cake for me being the idiot of the family. On trips over to my grandparents in Harleysville, we would always sit at the intersection of 113 and Cowpath Road. We’d stop and wait for the light to turn Green, and my dad, without fail, would get out the garage door opener and tell me that he was going to change the light by pressing the button.

I had a déjà vu experience sitting at that very light in high school, and man, did I feel special.

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New Jersey Made a Funny!

The New Jersey General Assembly passed a resolution in recognition of the New York Giants winning Super Bowl XLII. The resolution included a few pokes o’ fun, New Jersey style!

Tackle Kareem McKenzie, a New Jersey native, was in attendance to represent the Giants. “We appreciate your efforts on behalf of the New Jersey Giants,” Assembly Minority Leader Alex DeCroce exclaimed, with a look of extreme satisfaction on his face that is annoying to other people who are less happy [that’s a definition].

Assemblyman Anthony Chiappone weighed in on the issue. “One day I hope to be standing here issuing a proclamation to the New Jersey Giants.”

As I was writing this post, Larry [my computer] decided to weigh in on the issue.

[Click to play audio]

Oh Larry, always patronizing.

Here’s a link to the full article from ESPN.com.

The General Assembly also sponsored a parade in honor of the Giants. Due to lack of funds, the parade was not advertised, and the procession consisted of the General Assembly walking around the block following this clown.

Mr. Gigglesworth, the Clown

“We’ll certainly allot more funds to the ‘Tickertape Parade’ budget for next season, we need to get competitive with New York if we ever want the Giants to feel at home here,” lamented Chiappone.  “Mr. Gigglesworth was a hit at my son’s birthday party, but I think it may have been a mistake bringing him here.”

The last time the state of New Jersey had anything to celebrate was…well…

Never.

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The Past, The Present, and the Future

Alright, I want you to click play on this video, close your eyes, make sure the sound is on. Ok, you can watch it if you want to. But if you choose to just listen, imagine that the audio pertains to this blog experience. You know, that warm feeling you used to get every time you came to Ranty McRanterson.

You have been loyal throughout the good times and the bad. The times when posts were as plentiful as the trees in a wild, tropical rainforest. The times when there were no posts for months.

Ranty McRanterson has been a place where young trainees come to get their start as bloggers. It has been a starting point for careers in the sciences, in the soils, in the laws, in local politics. It has been a place where washed up bloggers come to finish out their careers. Ok, it hasn’t been that yet, but it had the potential to be that. It has even been a place where people come to do nothing. They sign on and post nothing. I’m not naming any names though, out of respect for that individual. Cough-BRI-Cough.

But now is not a time to dwell upon the past or even the present, because there is a bright future in store for RMcR, coming to an internet near you in 2007. Stay tuned for more updates.

Listen: Europe, “The Final Countdown”

Quote: “I suck.” – Andrew Storer

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