New Jersey Sucks
I always have been the standard Pennsylvanian, constantly hating on New Jersey for no good reason. I still frequent their crappy beaches, there’s something about the boardwalk that keeps me coming back. Cheap hermit crabs that never die, deep fat-fried everything, the casinos. Ok, I haven’t really been to the casinos, I haven’t had a hermit crab in over ten years…wait, I haven’t even been to New Jersey since the summer…ok it still sucks.
Random Change
I think my new thing is going to be handing people random amounts of money to pay for things. For instance, at Dunkin’ Donuts the other day, my bill was 3.74, so I just handed them six dollars and 26 cents. They looked at me like I was a moron, and then I just shrugged and said, “Surprise me.”
Sheetz
Adding a ‘z’ to the end of everything they sell there makes me not want to shop there. I don’t want coffeez, subz (which should be hoagiez, but at least they don’t defame the correct term in this instance), bagelz, shakez, nachoz, drinkz, gasz, cigarettez, schmuffinz, sandwichez, etc.
I’m not sure if the actual z pisses me off more or if it’s the thought of the smug look that the asshole probably had on their face when they thought of it.
Also, when you make a veggie hoagie, that doesn’t mean put in fifteen pounds of lettuce. I like lettuce just as much as the next guy, but let’s be honest, I don’t want to consume a couple of heads of lettuce when I order a hoagie.
Wendt’s Pork Palace & Ice Cream Barn
“Honey, pull over right now, I’m craving bacon and an ice cream cone.”
Only in Selinsgrove could one maintain a business that says “Pork Palace” and “Ice Cream Barn” in the name. Also, I don’t know if I’d want my last name associated with that.
“Oh hey, that’s old man Wendt’s boy.”
“Oh, Wendt, like the Pork Palace Wendts?”
Pork and ice cream are just two things that don’t happen to naturally come together.
Listen: Foo Fighters, “Big Me”
Quote: “Harleysburgvilleton.” – Kristen
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